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I visualize and try to process what occurs when the impairment of ones mind may begin. We are once an adult and twice a child. From birth, though we grow, we begin to die. Our brains are structured to take in information. We learn. Constantly active, consciously and unconsciously. We grow. We learn. We know right from wrong. We make decisions based on actions and reactions whether from written fact or previous experiences. We are able to share and teach others these lessons in life. And one day…we wake up…and for whatever the reason those lessons and experiences and realities and sound understandings begin to take a turn. We may not know it. We may not see it. We may not feel it. We may not understand it. But one day, the signals that hit those straight lines, and that point in logical directions based on our reality, just don’t cross…
It doesn’t happen over night, but over time. And during this new ‘gestation’ time, and while all that we have learned begins to fade, we must live. We grow with a new understanding…that everything that we once understood, is now fading. Yet, we live. This NEW gestation time that we must suffer through resembles that of our teenage years…then that of our youth…and, once a toddler, we understand all that is still around us and all that we have learned, but in between those times, the signal will miss it’s target unknowingly, and like a 4 year old toddler in the midst of a tantrum, we can’t understand WHY this, whatever this is, is happening, but we must go THROUGH it still. This new gestational period isn’t like the newness of life’s primary 9 month life abounding time. It’s length of time seems much like overnight. And I hold on, for dear life. I hold on…. Because I see what my new 4 year old self is going through… and those friends that have long passed this point… and I know my 2 year old self can be just around the corner… then my 1 year old self… and I can, at that point never reverse life…but I instead turn into a new born, living as an adult, yet needing the support of my life managed by what I once was…. I write this in wonderment of what the struggles of a gradual cognitive impairment may feel like, but on the outside. The battle of visualizing myself, God willing I live long enough, in the life of my mother, or my aunts/uncle, or my extended mothers/elders, or any senior transitioning into this, sort of, unconscious re-birth in life. I must visualize and release this thought first, because unless we have gone through these changes firsthand, there is no feeling of knowing what dark roads may lie ahead. And at this point, I delay these thoughts in wonderment of life, in this moment, and it’s road ahead. These are the chronicles, as I've witnessed, of aging loved ones... #Aging #AgingParents #ChronicleOfAParentChild #MyParentIsMyChild
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Happiness is...
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